“Ji?…,” he could not utter more.
“I asked that did you just lie?” his father repeated.
To which he had no clue what to answer. “Ji” was the word with which Rohan used to address his father. Rohan was brought up in a very orthodox and a patriarchal society.
It presents a dilemma to me, which has got a better side? A carefree childhood or an overcareful childhood? Are creativity and art somehow related to the childhood? Can the past events of a childhood bring the changes in a youth?
Rohan’s poor father was investing on his dreams making Rohan study in a good school. The societal differences and a hazy hope of a bright future furrow a kind of expectation from a poor father. Further, it tends to idealization.
Rohan was introduced to Vivekanand, Lenin, Karl Marx at a very early stage of his life. At the age of playing and giggling around with his mates, he was solving mathematics and sifting the pages of novels. He was introduced to these by his father. Karma, duty as a son, social norms, personal growth etc. were the things his father had high hopes on.
Sometimes, he would often be punished for not matching up to the benchmarks of an ideal son set by his father. At his father’s school, he learned to say “Yes sir” earlier to “Yeah, daddy.” He was not aware that he had started to live his life to fulfill the wish of his parents one day.
“Jee sir,” Rohan will look down and reply.
If you also agree to Sigmund Freud then, those circumstances had surely changed the psychological state of a child. But is that still related to the creativity? Rohan had learned to frame perfect lies. He had inculcated a penchant for the perfection. He found himself coward from the inside. He felt confused most often. He turned into a shy person. He was expecting the creative metamorphism of his life.
Rohan had created a beautiful world within himself where he framed everything that was missing in his life – peace, a good family, happy people and much more. He was unaware of the fact that his suppressed childhood was burgeoning a revolutionary inside him who was waiting for his perfect time to launch himself in this world. However, there were certain things which etched a permanent scar on him.
The dreamy Youth:
Grown up Rohan is neither an IAS nor a shy person anymore. Over the years, he has rediscovered and redesigned himself. He has curated a dream for himself. He wants to travel. Why? Maybe because he finds his spiritual solace while traveling. He spends most of his time camping in Nature. Why? Maybe for the same reason again.
He writes a lot for no reason yet he seems confused. Why there is a confusion? Rohan has seen two facets of the life and he is unable to decide where he belongs to. He has belonged to the character of a silent and suppressed child for years and now he is a rebel. The strings of the childhood were pulling him one side and the youthful dreams were on his other side.
There is another important facet of the life of Rohan and that’s his mother. An over abused, suppressed, mentally ill and his sick mother. He loves her more because he feels sympathized for her. That has cultivated a strong bond in between them. Inherently, they have a high hope on each other. With hope comes the expectations as well.
The sheer scarcity of money, love, recognition and an enthusiastic childhood have turned Rohan into a loving, carefree, and an adventurous guy. Has he rediscovered himself?
Rohan meets a girl and fall in love. She is from a very liberal family unlike him. This new relationship shows Rohan the totally new facet of the life. Maybe, it’s for the first time in his life that he has seen a family where people openly talk. A mother and a father combined make a decision. Younger ones are allowed to speak in between and a final order is not passed without the consent of everyone.
Inexpressive Rohan is unable to express his feelings about her to his family. There is a barrier of social pressure, family’s expectation and the fear of the exacerbation of her mother’s illness. He has lived half of his life living up to the expectation of his family.
The suppressed ambitions inside him often wanted him to go against everything and decide his life on his own. Sometimes, he would want to run away secluded from entire events and spend a solitary life.
Later, he expressed his feelings to his family. He had hopes from almost all the people except his father and uncle. However, no one finally agreed to go with him against his father’s authoritarian behavior. He felt standing last in the queue of his life.
On the other side, he tried explaining his situation to the girl and her strong views about life further made him confused his life. He has lived a compromising life his whole life. He has compromised with his dreams, his way of life, for his family and he was unable to comprehend to the ambitious ambitions of that girl even though she was right in her place.
He felt left out. The someone he needed was nowhere to be found. There was no one to understand and guide him.
Was Suicide the only solution?
The depressed person turned into a hypersensitive and an over-thinking person. Apprehensive of his future and scared of the strong vibes from both banks of his life, he did not know which way to oar. What was right for him?
So, Rohan decides to give up on everything he had rediscovered and once he thought of standing up for. He commits suicide. But this is just a story of a guy who experiences polar changes.
The Story of a suicide:
Recently, I came across a book named “The Story of a Suicide“. And no other books explains the current situation of today’s youngsters more than this book.
In day to day life, we are playing many concurrent roles at the same time. We are playing the role of a brother, a close friend, an ideal son, an ideal employee and there are more categories. Trust me, while reading this book, I did not only related myself to the content of this book but I also related a few of my friends and the roles that we all play in each other’s life.
While reading this, you could be playing the role of a father or a son or a daughter or a good friend. I think this book will provide you an insight into what is the root of this problem of the generation gap that we are facing.
On an abstract side, Today’s youngsters are expressive, self-absorbed, independent, afraid, hurried, fearless, fame hungry, but surprisingly resilient. In a world that makes unreasonable demands of them, many are disillusioned about their education, relationships, jobs, sexuality, bullying, and abuse.
In the backdrop of a powerful story and visuals, this project aims to reach out to young people, by verbalizing their struggles through the story, informing the do’s and don’ts when they face challenges, and providing a platform to share their experience.